window dirt

i am no longer homeless.

however, i am tired from cleaning the room before unpacking.

this paper towel + windex = 1 cleaned window.

how was i even able to see out of it before???

debate tips

the debate was excellent because both candidates were clearly describing their differences point-by-point. it blew chunks for precisely the same reason.

MCCAIN: you need a rebuttal for obama's tax plan. explain that your evil corporate tax break isn't a handout for greedy big business--you simply want to keep the tax structure the way it is now (i.e. you don't want the "bush tax cuts" to expire). it's not amerika when a democrat sounds like he's offering a better tax cut.

OBAMA: clinton was the best orator i have ever heard. like you, he was intelligent, had a brilliant mastery of the facts and could espouse eloquence while describing rosanne barr eat lobster--but he gave everything a personal touch and related it directly to me. could you be less of an egghead and more personable?

September 28, 2008

[MORE TO COME ON MONDAY]

lamps

today i picked up my keys to my new apartment. i was going to hang chinese lanterns, but there already is a ceiling light... so i looked at ikea for possible bedside lamps (pictured). instead, all i bought was a hot dog (not pictured).

my big worry was that the frosted glass rectangle lamps would shine directly in my eye when i sat in bed reading. (that was not a problem with the hot dog)

emmy's

the academy should give out awards to people i have heard of. otherwise, what's the point of me watching.

(usually, there's only one person per category, so it would be roughly the same number of awards)

iphone attack

a friend mentioned he had a short-lived blog that died years ago from lack of posts.

after pressuring a URL out of him, amigos with iphones hit the server hard and read aloud the few--but funny--posts he left behind on cyberspace.

all i could think was: "god help everyone should they read my posts outloud at me"

some things are for skimming.

September 21, 2008, Paper Cuts

more new paper cuts found at SundayPaperCuts.com

setting up lives

the only other people who have had to re-set their life up as often as me are prisoners... prisoners who get released with no money, job or home... i can understand why many of them become repeat offenders.

people with stable lives have forgotten how much work it takes to set up a whole life... or maybe they remember and that's why they have stable ones.

either way, it's a shame you can't even buy a good life on ebay these days. i thought you could get everything on the internet.

cruising down a canyon

today i really wanted to write. i wanted a paper to hire me. i wanted a portfolio of funny, thoughtful, moving, inspiring pieces to captivate a man with a cigar sitting behind a 1920's oscillating fan so that he'd clap me on the back and say "good work, kid."

trying to ignore the issues of how the fan would affect his cigar smoke (and who even owns such a fan) i realized i haven't written any such pieces. :(

i need to be a brilliant, clever and entertaining blog writer so my popularity and readership will rival the titans like *tribune.com

but in lieu of such an article, today, dear reader("s"), i post a nice canyon shot. (i also really wanted to write about a canyon and that seemed easier than profundity)

September 14, 2008, Paper Cuts

More new paper cuts at SundayPaperCuts.com

exciting t shirts

just in time for the scrapbooking party to celebrate your successful RNC protest march, purchase a Bush Term Oil t-shirt from me. i made them and they're clever.

new cars

despite despising every part of this plan with every part of my now-beat-down soul, i'm afraid i'm going to have to get a car in order to be employed.

so here's the question: do i know anyone who is car savvy and can magikally make a car appear on my driveway after i give them a [small] wad of cash?

sorry, strange bus people.

Sept 7, 2008, Paper Cuts

more new paper cuts at SundayPaperCuts.com

best and worst

as the driver pulled over around 60th street, a woman let out a horrific scream. everyone turned to stare. in a sad, sappy voice, she muttered about "cheap plastic bags" as she was surrounded by newspapers, magazines and toiletries.

best: the bus driver got out of his seat and offered to help her. the man behind her also gathered things. within 30 seconds, she had collected her belongings and exited.

worst: a group of UMN-adorned sophomores burst out laughing for the next 3 blocks--commenting loudly on her clothing, appearance, baggage, character, etc.

they were the only ones who didn't understand that her primordial scream was the fear of losing everything or missing her stop.... and thanks to our bus driving hero, she didn't have to make that choice.

people really have sex in the city

surrounded by rich mahogany and the smell of old money, i dined with a woman from four states away.

she invited a libertine who could eat me alive and another one who came off as an innocent, family-builder.

after talking about my friend's career, i realized i was in a sex in the city episode. women really do share cocktails, laughs and stories in what can only be described as a more-fun, walters-free version of "the view".

and returning home to blog about it can only mean i'm carrie (which iVillage confirmed)

here's raising a cosmopolitan to my new found womanhood--thanks for inviting me.

rnc? lamers? really?