possible uniqueness

have you ever known anyone, aside from me, who was both [a] interesting and [b] flossed regularly?

conspiracy theory :: facebook

the cia is in league with facebook
to create a database
of birthdays
so that everyone
with a valid US mailing address
gets a proper birthday greeting from uncle sam.

tax academy awards speech

thanks² :: turbo tax for free eFiling for half-year workers
thanks² :: me for having the sense to take half a tax year off
thanks² :: the generous people of minnesota for giving me money i could give to the government to eventually get back in a massive sum.

procured :: girlfriend [real]

my girlfriend [real, pictured :: right]
is a lounge singer
and works at this general store.

we met cleaning rubbish from the cinema.

when she asked if i wrestled black bears in MN, i became smitten. [yes, i do wrestle them if you are called for verifyability]

she also writes musicals about imaginary lands.

contest :: pre-won

i entered my first screenwriting competition, thus pre-winning it.

results to be made official this august.

good comedy, bad comedy

good comedy, sustaining me in the hinterland:
* flight of the conchords
* they might be giants

bad comedy, improving my self-esteem:
* the free fringe shows

user report :: butter prices

please report the local price of butter and any price fluctuations during the last 6 months.

new zealand butter prices have doubled during the length of a standard pregnancy.

worldwide butter prices blamed, but i suspect a big butter anti consumer league of powerful, but obese, warlocks.

"sanctuary on red alert"

when i arrived six months ago, i submitted an application to volunteer at a nature sanctuary.... i figured i could give something back to the community, learn about local fauna/flora, and maybe meet some interesting people.

instead, i get bi-weekly letters, updates, magazines, etc.... and my attempt to give to the sanctuary, has actually cost them a lot in postage.

i also love to marvel at what makes big news in new zealand....

******************
SANCTUARY ON RED ALERT: SECURITY BREACH

We have had a sighting of either a stoat or weasel at the Sanctuary. An occasional bio-security breach is not unexpected and we are well prepared. The Conservation team immediately went in to action and 180 traps and tracking tunnels were installed. A partial paw print in one such tunnel has confirmed we have a large weasel or small stoat in the Sanctuary.

I do ask that you continue to be vigilant when in the Sanctuary, and obviously please advise a Conservation staff member if you think you see the pest whilst working in the Sanctuary.

We are issuing a press release to the media this afternoon. A copy of this is attached for your reference. Raewyn Empson, our Conservation Scientist is our media spokesperson.

Thank you everyone for your co-operation.
******************

french mushroom opera

there's an opera, based off of moulin rouge, written by an italian mushroom.
it's better when you're high on a hill, watching the full moon fill an entire bay.

chalk the walk

this weekend i braved the drizzle for a massive chalkdraw on the civic square.

the final picture was digitally enhanced because the chalk was too faint from the recent rain.

after chalk drawing, i made a flower out of an egg carton and pipe cleaners... i was the only artist in that booth over 3 feet tall.... and unlike the others, i didn't put my flower on the flower tree, i bolted when nobody was looking, flower in hard, paint covered fingers, chalk on my pants.